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 Senju Yuumaru [DONE]

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AuthorMessage
Genin

Yuumaru
Yuumaru
Male Posts : 176
Ryo : 146000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue105/105Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (105/105)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 12:57 am


Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Kirito


Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Whoare14

First Name: Yuumaru
Last Name: Senju
Alias: None

Gender: Male
Age: 12
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 149 lbs.
Birthday: August 24th
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Relationships:

  • Senju Daiki (grandfather)
  • Senju Masako (mother)
  • Keiji (civilian father)


Affiliation: Hidden Jungle (Kusamuragakure no Sato)
Rank: Genin
Element(s): Fire Style (Although a Senju, he does not possess Mokuton)
Specialization(s): Kenjutsu, Ninjutsu, Taijutsu

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Tellme11

Personality:
Spoiler:

Likes:
Spoiler:

Dislikes:
Spoiler:


Motivation:  
Spoiler:

Fears:
Spoiler:
 


Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Blood10

Senju

Bloodline Name: Mokuton (Yuumaru, being a Fire Style user, does not have access to Wood Style)

Bloodline Ability: Yuumaru does not possess Mokuton.
Spoiler:

Location: Kusamuragakure no Sato

Clan History:
Spoiler:

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Histor11

History:
Spoiler:

RP Sample:
Spoiler:

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Extra10

Source: Found Naruto Legacy on Google.

Face Claim: Kirito from SAO.

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Accept10


Last edited by Yuumaru on Sat May 31, 2014 4:48 am; edited 6 times in total
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Jounin

Hisame
Hisame
Female Posts : 734
Ryo : 598400

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue315/315Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (315/315)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 1:26 am

A few things need to be fixed.

Age: The additional fixed ages are not needed, since you'll be a genin, and development is based on how often you rp and progress.

Your elements: As a member of the Senju clan, you must have the required chakra natures, to be able to perform any Mokuton based abilities. So Suiton - Water, Doton - Earth, and of course Mokuton - Tree. Keep this in mind when doing your statistics, as you do not just gain access to these elements for free, just because they are required of your clan. You can still have Katon - Fire. Just figured I would make sure you are aware of this, as it is important.

Likes, Dislikes, Fears, Motivation: These can not be in list form, but instead full sentences and at least one paragraph in length. Easiest way to do this is by taking what you already have and putting them into a sentence format. (If that helps. These seem to always be the hardest fixes for people I have noticed.)

History: Required word count minimum for genin is 400 words. You have 109 words. Please lengthen this.

Please make the above fixes and take consideration of the points made, to make creating your character easier. Bump when changes have been made, and then your application will be looked over again.

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Genin

Yuumaru
Yuumaru
Male Posts : 176
Ryo : 146000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue105/105Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (105/105)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 1:34 am

Thank you, Hisame! I will get this fixed. Also, yes, I knew about the Mokuton. There's a backstory concerning that under RP Example. :)
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Genin

Yuumaru
Yuumaru
Male Posts : 176
Ryo : 146000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue105/105Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (105/105)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 2:36 am

Sorry for double posting, but BUMP! Thanks again for having me revise it; I found that my character history was pretty lacking. Now it's edited and I had fun doing it!
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue190/190Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (190/190)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 8:02 am

To reiterate, as a Senju with Katon- you won't be ale to use Mokuton. You only have Katon now, but you are allowed three elements; are you sure Katon is the only one you want?

Other than this, your app looks fine after the revisions.
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Genin

Yuumaru
Yuumaru
Male Posts : 176
Ryo : 146000

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue105/105Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (105/105)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 2:29 pm

Thank you Semasu! :) Yes, I am sure about the Fire Style.
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Chuunin

Vex
Vex
Male Posts : 1428
Ryo : 396513

Character sheet
Chakra:
Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Left_bar_bleue190/190Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (190/190)

Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] EmptySat May 31, 2014 2:39 pm

Alright, work on your statistics thread :D

Approved
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Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty
PostSubject: Re: Senju Yuumaru [DONE]   Senju Yuumaru [DONE] Empty

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Senju Yuumaru [DONE]

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